you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
