Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
