he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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