there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
