Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
