take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
