So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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