Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
