Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
smell my finger.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
