one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
