i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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