so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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