and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
