if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
