oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
