She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
