i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
