4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He shit in the fireplace
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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