Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
