Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There's even glitter on my cock...
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