Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
