she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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