So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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