NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
