I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
