You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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