there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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