Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
