You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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