What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
