i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
