You smell like a Billy Joel song
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
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