the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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