just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
