The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
