Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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