when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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