can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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