Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
