i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
