I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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