I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's official drugs can't kill me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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