lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
