did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
