I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize