I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
