wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
