yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
