somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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