It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
