im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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