my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
