You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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