she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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