are you still at the devil's house?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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