please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The power of my boobs compel you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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