I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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