ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Randomize
