The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He passed out mid-signature
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
