Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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