Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize