4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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