I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
