So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
