theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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