dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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