Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
